One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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