i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
