i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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