In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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