Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Are we still banned from the library?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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