I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
