Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Houston, we have a blender
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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