I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
