I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
