In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
