I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
