Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
