If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
