i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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