Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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