guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
