I have demons in me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
