Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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