I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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