Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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