you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
