Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
