ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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