we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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