Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
