plz talk dirty to me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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