Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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