You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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