she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
