im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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