I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have fence marks all over my body
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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