She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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