Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
