batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
