I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
