pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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