just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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