We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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