First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
