i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
