I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
