I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
