Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
