what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
