pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
