Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
