I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
