Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
