He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
