how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
