You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
