I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
