I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
